Redeem the Time

Been thinking today about the family into which I was born.  Mom and Dad had 10 children and 9 of them lived to adulthood.  There were 5 girls, then 3 boys, then 2 more girls.  My sister Joyce and I are the only girls still alive, and 2 of the boys remain.  Growing up was pretty normal for us 2 tag - alongs  but of course our normal was worlds different from the normal of the 7 before us (one died in infancy).  They were farm kids come to town and Joyce and I were city kids through and through.  As we grew up, my dad worked Monday through Friday from 6 a.m. to 3 p.m. and my mom worked outside the home from 3 p.m. to 11 p.m. every night but Mondays.   The older kids, then, had a lot of responsibility for us younger ones - and that caused strife more often than not!  When I was about 13 years old, things began to change as some of my brothers and sisters got married and moved out.  The squabbles became fewer,  and life was still not always easy, but all in all I had a loving family. Someday I need to spend some time talking with my own kids about all my memories - about things they would enjoy knowing and about lessons I learned that would maybe save them some angst.  We have done a certain amount of this, of course, but as life gets busier and busier, the opportunities to talk about the past become fewer and fewer.  But what causes my melancholy today is, simply, the passage of time and the recognition of lost opportunities in my own life.  My mom and dad are gone, one brother is gone, and 4 of the girls I grew up with and loved are gone.  Just 2 brothers and my sister, Joyce, remain.  This week, my sister has been in hospice care, in pain and having a very rough time.  She is strong and all her family is with her, surrounding her with love in the midst of her pain. I am mourning the many "I love you"s that were not said, the "I am proud of you"s that were not said, the lack of time together as we all grew older and went our own ways.  I wish I could go back and get some "do-overs", but I cannot.  All I can do is leave it all in God's hands.  He knows our hearts and He also holds our loved ones in His hands.  Tonight I want to remind us all that life is really very short and not to waste it or fill it with regrets.  Lift a prayer for my sister and for her kids, tonight, and if you can, encourage each other.  Proverbs 12:25 says, "Anxious hearts are very heavy but a word of encouragement does wonders.".  My sister is soon to cross over and we will be left to grieve.  God is so good to us and does not leave us alone - we will praise His dear name and thank Him for His promise of eternal life for those who love Him and believe in Him.

Thanksgiving Blog

Saturday morning I was walking through our cute little apartment (it was cold outside) smiling as I walked because everything in it gives me pleasure!  As I passed the 'fridge I noticed a sheet entitled, "Count Your Blessings."  I took it with me, thinking it would make a good Blog entry.  It has wonderful verses and would be good to share with you all.  But, wait!  Underneath it is one of my most favorite scriptures, found in Proverbs 30, verses 7 and 8.  In my Living Bible it reads, "O God, I beg two favors from you before I die.  First, help me never to tell a lie.  Second, give me neither poverty nor riches!  Give me just enough to satisfy my needs."  So, as I walked I considered what my needs are that must be satisfied in November of 2014.  I guess a new perm (old curls looking scraggly) might not be a  need, but soon it might be!  Same with our own Internet Connection, though Dan and Stacy have been gracious to share theirs with us.  New tires on the van to assure safe Winter travel?  Yes, that qualifies as a need.  I would sure love new shoes since the ones I walk in every day are torn and falling apart and don't give good support anymore - I think that is a need.  So far, our monthly Social Security check has paid our bills, but not much else.  I think I need that to continue, but most of our normal expenses are costing more next year.  All I can do is leave that in God's Hands, since a fixed income is just that - a fixed income and there is no lee-way.  

Okay, now let me tell you what I really WANT - see what you think.  I want my 3 kids and their spouses to all be healthy, cared for, serving Christ, and seeking to please God on a daily basis.  I want the same for all my grandkids and my great-grandkids.  I want my husband to be with me for as long as God leaves me on this Earth.  I want us both to be healthy enough to get around and interact with our friends and neighbors.  I want to be able to continue reading my Bible, because it gives me so much pleasure and draws me closer to the Saviour I love.  I want to be able to hear the conversations around me so I can laugh with my friends and join in the discussions in Sunday School.  I want to continue to be able to delight in the pictures of my loved ones and pray for each one as I pass their pictures on the walls of our apartment.  I want to be healthy enough to go to church on Sundays and sing my heart out and marvel at the gifts God has given our preacher-son, as we all worship together.  I want everyone in my family to be at peace with one another.  These are some of my wants that really pose as needs to me.  Does it sound as though I am not thankful for what I have?  Not so!  I am so blessed and I know it full well.  So, I guess I am asking God to give me clarity (that word is for Dan) this Thanksgiving so that I can see how He is satisfying my needs in every situation and so that I will really thank Him in word and deed.  I am thankful for all His provision and for the many answers to prayer this year.  Sometimes the joy overflows so much that it cannot be contained - and I wish the same for all of you!

My Brother Leon

I am thinking today of one of my brothers because his birthday is today, or would be if he had not passed away in 1989. Ralph Leon Brown, but we called him Leon, was the middle of the three brothers, and I remember him as different from the other two in many ways. He always seemed gentle and unassuming and sometimes just out of place in his world. I remember him always saying, "Hi, it's me," when he called on the phone, as though there is no one else it could have been! I remember him telling me excitedly of his decision to follow Jesus, made at a small Baptist church a couple of blocks from our home. I believe he was really sincere and I have always wondered how his life was in Florida, after his wife left him and took his youngest child with her. He had been diagnosed with an inoperable tumor at the base of his brain and she said his behavior became unpredictable. He wrote me in a letter once that I was always his favorite sister (he had 5 others to choose from) and that he felt he could have stayed more true to his faith if we had been closer geographically. I have lost touch with his family and wish that I had been less busy in those days. I was thinking last night how very blessed I am with the family God put me in, and the one He blessed me with (my husband and children and grand-children and great-grandchildren) and what a great life we live, especially when we know the Creator and Giver of life as our Friend and Saviour!

Christmas Memories

Being mildly OCD lately, I am finding it difficult to just write about Christmas memories without categorizing them, or dividing them into different places we have lived, or extended family times vs nuclear family times or before kids vs after kids and empty nests, etc.  So I guess I will just have to write whatever pops into my head and see what happens.  My first and most persistent memory is always of my little girl Christmases when we awoke so very early on Christmas day but had to wait until after dinner to open our Christmas gifts because by then my older brothers and sisters were making families of their own and we had to wait until they all had their own Christmas and then joined us all at our house for the big celebration!  Those of us who were the youngest in the family were very upset at having to wait until the rest got there, but mom and dad had their way (imagine that!).  When all the rest of the clan arrived, we had a big dinner, then the adults insisted that we do all the dishes and clean the whole place up before gifts could even be opened.  Talk about anticipation!  And, really, being a low-income family, we mostly got the same thing each year - clothes, pajamas, maybe a new doll, etc., but still we were excited.  And since we started at the youngest child and went all the way to the top of the list (9 living children), one at a time, it was a long time between gifts for us.  Now don't make any judgments, yet.  I was only a little kid, for goodness' sake.  And then there was my brother-in-law, Uncle Cliff, who always brought his video stuff and filmed everything that went on.  He left us so many wonderful pictures of life back then, and pictures of my family members at all stages.  It was all a very exciting day, even if it did usually result in some arguments and some hurt feelings (as I remember it).  To this day, I am most happy when my holidays are celebrated with a large group - that is when I feel most at home!  When my husband and I and our 3 children moved to Lincoln, Nebraska in 1975, those first several Christmases were hard to deal with.  I loved my own children and husband so much, but we were only 5 as opposed to, say, 25 and I was lonely.  The song, "I'll Be Home for Christmas" brought many tears.  Then the church people took it upon themselves to make us a real part of their families and celebrations became happier.  My Lincoln memories are mostly happy ones and it is all because of those wonderful folks who took us in and became our mom and dad and brothers and sisters.  One other Lincoln memory is that we usually got a Christmas money gift from the church after the annual Christmas Program.  With it we would then be able to go Christmas shopping, and the kids' Christmas was limited to the size of the church money gift.  Also, since the program was very close to Christmas itself, we would run down to the Convenience store a block away (Swing In?) and buy stuff to fill their stockings.  To this day, when I think of Christmas stockings, I think of lip gloss, combs, candy, nail clippers - things you find in a convenience store.

Now, if I begin to think Christmas in Oshkosh, it always revolves around the Kuglers (a large group) and the happy times there.  And then there is Enid, then DesMoines, then Bartlesville, then Custer - I may be here all day and then I will think of stuff I forgot.  But all that has ever mattered to me is family, friends, kindred hearts, and remembering that Jesus was born on that day to provide a way for me to know God and to find eternal life.  I am, of all people, most blessed on this Christmas 2013!

It's all there somewhere!

I have been singing lately about, "All the Gold in California," except that I have changed the words to read, "All the things I'm looking for are in a box in the back of Dan's garage with somebody else's name,"  or else the box is mis-labeled (but those words don't fit the tune)!  I know I have everything I need to set up life in this cute  new apartment of ours, but I just can't locate it all.  Hopefully, I don't buy too many things before I locate them.  The most frustrating puzzle is the location of our Wedding Album - now surely that box was clearly marked but I guess not clearly enough!  I have, however, unearthed most of my pictures for the walls.  So far, 80 pictures are awaiting placement but those of you who have seen our apartment will understand that I will be crying as most of them go back into a box because there is just not enough wall space for 71 years worth of memories - or even for the 48 years since we began our own family.  Now who will choose where/which pictures to hang and which to file away?  My life and my love is represented in all of them - I enjoy just sitting and looking at them all day.  The memories come so fast and last so long, precious memories all!

And then there are the many angels, the bells, the coffee mugs, the salt and pepper sets - who collects all these things!!??  Each part of each collection brings back the person or fun time behind it, and how can I store them all away again, out of sight?  Ah well, it has been fun unearthing all these things after 5 years or more of being hidden, and deciding what will be showcased and what will be re-stored.  It is almost like setting up housekeeping for the very first time, except that now the decor is all decided and just waiting for placement.  We did get the VHS set up so now I can watch all the Homecoming videos that I have been missing - and now people can once again buy me the newest ones on DVD when they need a gift idea :).

I have not gotten curtains, yet, though the blinds are helping until then, and I still need a microwave cart so that we don't have to use up all the space on our kitchen table.  And we need another book shelf or two so that I can have access to my bound journals and my older Bibles, although then I may not surface for days at a time because once I get immersed in them I can spend hours remembering how good God has been to us and what a big place His Word has had in our spiritual life and in our family life!

Well, we are enjoying ourselves and life is good.  Lots to do this Fall and throughout the Winter, but that is part of the blessings God has given us.  In 9 more days we will celebrate 48 years of marriage!  God is so good to let us have each other for that long, and to give us such a wonderful family and so many friends!  Now to locate my notebook so I can get started on my next to-do lists - that is part of what makes life worth living (having good things to do and good people to do them with!)

A Clear Mind

I have now been in Red Cloud, Nebraska for 3 weeks and am still waiting for the fatigue to fade so that I can have a clear enough mind to update my blog.  I guess it will be awhile so I have decided to just write what comes to mind and hope it is coherent...

Let me tell you what I like about this place I now call home.  First of all, it is Nebraska and that makes it great from the get-go!  Then, there is a noticeable lack of stress in our lives here, and for our physical and spiritual health that is a very good thing.  I am really enjoying the Wesleyan church here.  The people have all been very friendly and accepting, the music is feeding my soul, the preaching is stellar (!), the order of service  is pleasant, and it is only a block away from where we live.  We have jumped right into ministry opportunities (or maybe been thrown into them), such as VBS and that is a good thing!  We have met so many new people in that way, and are quickly feeling a part of the community.  We are enjoying walking the neighborhood streets, hand in hand, and witnessing of a love that can last a lifetime - and finding opportunities to share that with others.

There are some hurdles to jump here, of course, such as the time and expense involved in changing car registration, new driver's license, new car and renter insurance, new health insurance, new doctor, new bank accounts, changing direct deposit of monthly checks, and probably more that we have forgotten.  There are also just 2 places to eat out if ever we have extra money again but two of the local gas stations have good coffee and treats.  It has also been very hot here this month, and for me to actually say that, well you know it must really be hot - like over 100 degrees many days.  From my standpoint, hot is good - but there can be too much of a good thing, I guess.

Some more good things, to counteract any hurdles:  my blood glucose counts have been good (even though I have been so busy I usually forget to test, these days), it is good to have Scott and Katy and Zac closer,  it is good to be with Dan and Stacy again, we are enjoying the public library here with a whole new selection of books to read, and my haircut was cheaper last week (as will be the new perm in another month or so).  So we are surely very blessed in this new stage of our lives, as you can see.  We do miss the folks we had to say goodbye to in Custer, and you know who you are.  When we get fully rested. we will touch base and be more hospitable.  This month we plan to attend Family Camp for the first time in years, and maybe we will get to District conference and get to see folks we have lost touch with there.  I am enjoying my God, my Bible, my new Journal, my wonderful husband, my great family - these constitute the center of my universe - and all the blessings that surround me!  So, if I begin to complain, you know what to say to me.......

The Proposal Blog

Valentine's Day has always been special for me but in 1965 it really took on added meaning.  It kind of became the beginning of the tail end of a long story that still brings reactions whenever I tell it, especially to family members.  You would have to know that long ago in another galaxy I was pre-engaged to someone I had been dating for about 4 years.  One night, God had made it clear to me that this guy and I would never be married in His plan for me.  Being mildly rebellious and fancying myself in a "forever love" situation, I chose to hide that revelation and proceed on the assumption that I had misunderstood God, knowing full well I had not.  About a year later, something occurred that did, indeed, break us up and sent me into a spiral of depression. My friends all counseled me, a senior in college, to still trust God for my now-broken future.  Their words were something like, "there are many fish in the ocean - too bad you got a rotten one," and things like that.  You know how friends are.  In early Autumn 1964 we all decided to go to a Youth For Christ meeting in Rochester and needed a ride to get there from North Chili, New York.  Guess who had a car and was willing to give us a ride?  This nice young guy who was from near my hometown and who I knew from riding back home from college on holidays and weekends - who had just broken up with his long-time girlfriend back home, that's who!  So on the way back from Youth For Christ he heard all my friends giving me their advice and formulated a plan.  As he dropped everyone off at their dorms he arranged to drop me off last and then invited me to go to church with him the next morning and then to lunch.  As we talked over lunch I mentioned that God had told me I would be marrying a minister but I did not currently know any ministerial students.  He said, "Well now you do!"  I said, "no, you are a History major," and he said, "yes, with a Bible minor.  God has called me into the ministry."  Talk about being embarrassed!  It was like throwing myself at him!  Well, as the Fall progressed we dated and got along well but I was still carrying a torch for the former guy.  At Christmas time, Rol's dad had a stroke and he decided to give up his work on his advanced degree and go home to help his dad.  And, besides, this thing with me was not working out and I was going to see my former beau on New Year's Eve, and there was no hope, etc, etc, so he was giving up!  Well, that put a scare into me because even though I was seeing both guys at the same time (and there are several good stories associated with that) I really was beginning to care for him and beginning to feel there was a future there.  So I begged him not to give up and we decided to go on from there.  So, around Valentine's day of 1965 we were sitting in his car, late evening, outside the house where he was staying.  One thing led to another (now, don't go there!) and he said he loved me and asked me to marry him.  I told him I would, but asked him to let me tell my former beau first, to break it gently, so to speak.  Now I know what you are thinking, and you are right - this guy is a saint and a keeper!  He would pass through many rough waters between the "Yes" and the "I Do", but it was such great preparation  for what has turned into 48 years and counting!  No one else could ever have been so patient, so understanding, so very loving!  And we are even more in love today than all those years ago.  He has a lovely crown waiting for him in Heaven, I am sure!  God bless you, my Valentine!