Singing I go...

I live in a really nice apartment complex these days, where most of our neighbors are friendly, caring, like-minded folks!  Many of them are older, but not all.  We have several things that we do as a group and one of these is Thursday morning devotions in our community room.  We start at about 8:30 a.m. with visiting and making coffee, setting out hymnals, etc.  At 9:00 we are ready to move nearer to the clavinova (electric piano-type instrument) and we spend half an hour requesting and singing together our favorite hymns of the day, and sometimes a new one we want to learn.  These are older hymnals so all the songs are old and only a few of us know every song in the book.  Today, we were singing along with mostly sunshine songs because many of us are weary of the rainy week we have had, and the sun is actually shining today!  Right in the middle of "There is sunshine in my soul today, more glorious and bright, than glows in any earthly sky, for Jesus is my Light," suddenly I remembered the chorus of a song that we used to sing long ago  about singing along life's road because Jesus has lifted my load.  I requested it, though many had never heard it and I only remembered the chorus, and we all agreed it was a wonderful song!  When the "preacher of the day" began to speak, he mentioned how much peace he felt as soon as he arrived and heard us singing along.  And he is right!  We find so much peace in singing of what Christ has done for/in us, and in how He walks with us and makes our earthly load so much lighter.  It makes our journey easier and our earthly life more meaningful.  For some reason this all made me think of a locket that Stacy and I are creating for me, in which the charms tell the story of "me".  So far, we have a coffee cup, a cross, a book, a mom charm, and a ladies retreat charm.  We are going to add a blog charm and for sure a musical notes charm.  These are all the things that make up "Marj", or at least many of the things that are me.  I think a journal will have to be included, too, now that I think of it!  But the biggest thing that I know lately is that I love to sing and that there is a song for every situation I encounter!  These songs are sustaining me, comforting me, teaching me, connecting me to Jesus and to my Father God.  "I have a song that Jesus gave to me that was sent from Heaven above" and today I am praying for my friends and family that are in danger of losing their song, because of life's burdens.  I am praying that the Spirit will come alongside them and remind them of the Song that is in their heart, and will give them strength to sing it again. If it starts out slower and sad, then I am praying that it will increase in joy as they sing!  Perhaps you will help me be a songleader today and get the songs started - can we do that?

Did you ever know that you're my hero?

It has been one of those "different" nights - where I sleep for a few hours, think  for a few hours, sleep a few more, and then get up to start the day.  It is 4:20 a.m. and I think I am up for the day because there is something I want to remember to say, and I might not remember it if I sleep for awhile.  Today is Good Friday and we will be thinking much about how our Jesus died for us on that cross so long ago, and naturally that reminds me of a song (or two, or lots more).  In my hours of musings last night I thought about all I should be doing in many different areas of my life - spiritually, around the house, investing in friends and family, stuff like that. I prayed for several who are going through difficult things.  Then a song came to mind that we used to hear a lot.  Part of it goes, "Did you ever know that you're my hero?  You're everything I long to be,"  at least that is how I remember it.  And I got to thinking about folks that I have thought of as my heroes from time to time.  That list can be obtained if you private message me but if I list them I will probably miss someone or hurt some feelings, so I think I won't do that.  They are all family members and friends and all very precious to me!  I ran through the list in my mind last night and when I came to the line, "you're everything I long to be," I realized that there was really no one that I could use the word "everything" for - there is that temper one has, or that crude language I don't like from another, or lifestyle choices that I don't consider God-honoring.  I love and look up to each one for the good things and just pray for the things I wish I could change.  I was forcefully reminded, at that point, that probably all my loved ones have to do the same with regard to me!  Wow, is that a humbling thought!  So, it occurred to me that the only one I could really sing that song to would be Jesus.  He is everything I long to be.  He is my hero, the wind beneath my wings, my reason for living, my role model, my saviour, my comforter - the list could go on and on!  "Jesus, did you ever know that you're my hero?  No one else embodies all that I long to be.  I thank you so much for dying for me on that cross and that you now live in me and give me strength and a reason to live in this fallen world!  Thank you for Easter and the wonderful celebration that it is and the hope that it brings!  Help me and my family and friends to live in such a way that more parts of our lives will be hero-worthy, for the sake of those who follow us and those who look to our daily lives for an answer to their important questions."

Turning 75

It is time to embarrass my husband by telling the world (well, my world, anyway) what a great guy he is!  We have been married for almost 50 years now, and how does a marriage last this long - or even 60 or 75 years?  Well, for starters, he's not the same man I married way back then, and that is both good and bad, because I am not the same girl he married!  We have been through a lot and I wouldn't change a thing, except for do-overs where I have failed him - I expect he feels the same way!  For 50 years he has been willing all along to change and reinvent himself for me - to be what I needed as time changed.  He has always been loving, serving, always thinking of me before himself!  He began as a country boy, changed to fit this city girl, and now that he is retired he is back to country boy (which is where his heart has always been).  He has stuck with me through thick and thin and done whatever it took to stay with me until the end of time.  What I wanted, and what he wanted - well they did not always match up, but he was always willing to make it work.  Now, as for the ways I have changed, etc., well that is another whole Blog entry.  Nothing of value seems to come easy, but it has all been worth it.  Who knew that these kids of 23 and 25 had what it took to make it last 50 years?!  Well, give the credit to this sweet, shy, handsome young man beside me, who turns 75 on Sunday.  I thank God daily for each new day with him!  The 50 years comes in August, but it does not hurt to celebrate all the birthdays in between  :) so flood his facebook site or his e-mail with good wishes - at least enough to last until August 28!!

Redeem the Time

Been thinking today about the family into which I was born.  Mom and Dad had 10 children and 9 of them lived to adulthood.  There were 5 girls, then 3 boys, then 2 more girls.  My sister Joyce and I are the only girls still alive, and 2 of the boys remain.  Growing up was pretty normal for us 2 tag - alongs  but of course our normal was worlds different from the normal of the 7 before us (one died in infancy).  They were farm kids come to town and Joyce and I were city kids through and through.  As we grew up, my dad worked Monday through Friday from 6 a.m. to 3 p.m. and my mom worked outside the home from 3 p.m. to 11 p.m. every night but Mondays.   The older kids, then, had a lot of responsibility for us younger ones - and that caused strife more often than not!  When I was about 13 years old, things began to change as some of my brothers and sisters got married and moved out.  The squabbles became fewer,  and life was still not always easy, but all in all I had a loving family. Someday I need to spend some time talking with my own kids about all my memories - about things they would enjoy knowing and about lessons I learned that would maybe save them some angst.  We have done a certain amount of this, of course, but as life gets busier and busier, the opportunities to talk about the past become fewer and fewer.  But what causes my melancholy today is, simply, the passage of time and the recognition of lost opportunities in my own life.  My mom and dad are gone, one brother is gone, and 4 of the girls I grew up with and loved are gone.  Just 2 brothers and my sister, Joyce, remain.  This week, my sister has been in hospice care, in pain and having a very rough time.  She is strong and all her family is with her, surrounding her with love in the midst of her pain. I am mourning the many "I love you"s that were not said, the "I am proud of you"s that were not said, the lack of time together as we all grew older and went our own ways.  I wish I could go back and get some "do-overs", but I cannot.  All I can do is leave it all in God's hands.  He knows our hearts and He also holds our loved ones in His hands.  Tonight I want to remind us all that life is really very short and not to waste it or fill it with regrets.  Lift a prayer for my sister and for her kids, tonight, and if you can, encourage each other.  Proverbs 12:25 says, "Anxious hearts are very heavy but a word of encouragement does wonders.".  My sister is soon to cross over and we will be left to grieve.  God is so good to us and does not leave us alone - we will praise His dear name and thank Him for His promise of eternal life for those who love Him and believe in Him.

Thanksgiving Blog

Saturday morning I was walking through our cute little apartment (it was cold outside) smiling as I walked because everything in it gives me pleasure!  As I passed the 'fridge I noticed a sheet entitled, "Count Your Blessings."  I took it with me, thinking it would make a good Blog entry.  It has wonderful verses and would be good to share with you all.  But, wait!  Underneath it is one of my most favorite scriptures, found in Proverbs 30, verses 7 and 8.  In my Living Bible it reads, "O God, I beg two favors from you before I die.  First, help me never to tell a lie.  Second, give me neither poverty nor riches!  Give me just enough to satisfy my needs."  So, as I walked I considered what my needs are that must be satisfied in November of 2014.  I guess a new perm (old curls looking scraggly) might not be a  need, but soon it might be!  Same with our own Internet Connection, though Dan and Stacy have been gracious to share theirs with us.  New tires on the van to assure safe Winter travel?  Yes, that qualifies as a need.  I would sure love new shoes since the ones I walk in every day are torn and falling apart and don't give good support anymore - I think that is a need.  So far, our monthly Social Security check has paid our bills, but not much else.  I think I need that to continue, but most of our normal expenses are costing more next year.  All I can do is leave that in God's Hands, since a fixed income is just that - a fixed income and there is no lee-way.  

Okay, now let me tell you what I really WANT - see what you think.  I want my 3 kids and their spouses to all be healthy, cared for, serving Christ, and seeking to please God on a daily basis.  I want the same for all my grandkids and my great-grandkids.  I want my husband to be with me for as long as God leaves me on this Earth.  I want us both to be healthy enough to get around and interact with our friends and neighbors.  I want to be able to continue reading my Bible, because it gives me so much pleasure and draws me closer to the Saviour I love.  I want to be able to hear the conversations around me so I can laugh with my friends and join in the discussions in Sunday School.  I want to continue to be able to delight in the pictures of my loved ones and pray for each one as I pass their pictures on the walls of our apartment.  I want to be healthy enough to go to church on Sundays and sing my heart out and marvel at the gifts God has given our preacher-son, as we all worship together.  I want everyone in my family to be at peace with one another.  These are some of my wants that really pose as needs to me.  Does it sound as though I am not thankful for what I have?  Not so!  I am so blessed and I know it full well.  So, I guess I am asking God to give me clarity (that word is for Dan) this Thanksgiving so that I can see how He is satisfying my needs in every situation and so that I will really thank Him in word and deed.  I am thankful for all His provision and for the many answers to prayer this year.  Sometimes the joy overflows so much that it cannot be contained - and I wish the same for all of you!

My Brother Leon

I am thinking today of one of my brothers because his birthday is today, or would be if he had not passed away in 1989. Ralph Leon Brown, but we called him Leon, was the middle of the three brothers, and I remember him as different from the other two in many ways. He always seemed gentle and unassuming and sometimes just out of place in his world. I remember him always saying, "Hi, it's me," when he called on the phone, as though there is no one else it could have been! I remember him telling me excitedly of his decision to follow Jesus, made at a small Baptist church a couple of blocks from our home. I believe he was really sincere and I have always wondered how his life was in Florida, after his wife left him and took his youngest child with her. He had been diagnosed with an inoperable tumor at the base of his brain and she said his behavior became unpredictable. He wrote me in a letter once that I was always his favorite sister (he had 5 others to choose from) and that he felt he could have stayed more true to his faith if we had been closer geographically. I have lost touch with his family and wish that I had been less busy in those days. I was thinking last night how very blessed I am with the family God put me in, and the one He blessed me with (my husband and children and grand-children and great-grandchildren) and what a great life we live, especially when we know the Creator and Giver of life as our Friend and Saviour!

Christmas Memories

Being mildly OCD lately, I am finding it difficult to just write about Christmas memories without categorizing them, or dividing them into different places we have lived, or extended family times vs nuclear family times or before kids vs after kids and empty nests, etc.  So I guess I will just have to write whatever pops into my head and see what happens.  My first and most persistent memory is always of my little girl Christmases when we awoke so very early on Christmas day but had to wait until after dinner to open our Christmas gifts because by then my older brothers and sisters were making families of their own and we had to wait until they all had their own Christmas and then joined us all at our house for the big celebration!  Those of us who were the youngest in the family were very upset at having to wait until the rest got there, but mom and dad had their way (imagine that!).  When all the rest of the clan arrived, we had a big dinner, then the adults insisted that we do all the dishes and clean the whole place up before gifts could even be opened.  Talk about anticipation!  And, really, being a low-income family, we mostly got the same thing each year - clothes, pajamas, maybe a new doll, etc., but still we were excited.  And since we started at the youngest child and went all the way to the top of the list (9 living children), one at a time, it was a long time between gifts for us.  Now don't make any judgments, yet.  I was only a little kid, for goodness' sake.  And then there was my brother-in-law, Uncle Cliff, who always brought his video stuff and filmed everything that went on.  He left us so many wonderful pictures of life back then, and pictures of my family members at all stages.  It was all a very exciting day, even if it did usually result in some arguments and some hurt feelings (as I remember it).  To this day, I am most happy when my holidays are celebrated with a large group - that is when I feel most at home!  When my husband and I and our 3 children moved to Lincoln, Nebraska in 1975, those first several Christmases were hard to deal with.  I loved my own children and husband so much, but we were only 5 as opposed to, say, 25 and I was lonely.  The song, "I'll Be Home for Christmas" brought many tears.  Then the church people took it upon themselves to make us a real part of their families and celebrations became happier.  My Lincoln memories are mostly happy ones and it is all because of those wonderful folks who took us in and became our mom and dad and brothers and sisters.  One other Lincoln memory is that we usually got a Christmas money gift from the church after the annual Christmas Program.  With it we would then be able to go Christmas shopping, and the kids' Christmas was limited to the size of the church money gift.  Also, since the program was very close to Christmas itself, we would run down to the Convenience store a block away (Swing In?) and buy stuff to fill their stockings.  To this day, when I think of Christmas stockings, I think of lip gloss, combs, candy, nail clippers - things you find in a convenience store.

Now, if I begin to think Christmas in Oshkosh, it always revolves around the Kuglers (a large group) and the happy times there.  And then there is Enid, then DesMoines, then Bartlesville, then Custer - I may be here all day and then I will think of stuff I forgot.  But all that has ever mattered to me is family, friends, kindred hearts, and remembering that Jesus was born on that day to provide a way for me to know God and to find eternal life.  I am, of all people, most blessed on this Christmas 2013!