After the Milestone

This past weekend we celebrated our Golden Wedding Anniversary!  When you are young and in love you can hardly think past the ceremony and honeymoon - let alone lasting 50 years!  Who can tell you what it takes to live and love with the same man for 50 years until the feat has actually been accomplished.  Well, now I have an answer to that question.  First, you have to have a commitment mentality.  You have to decide that you will stick it out, no matter what (unless it gets dangerous or evil, of course).  And you need to seek God's will and guidance in your choice of prospective mate, so that you are both in agreement on the commitment thing.  It takes 3 to make a marriage last and God is the 3rd person. I think it is still true that, "the family that prays together, stays together."  Next, you need to be supportive of each other, in every way possible.  Strive to put each other first, no matter how hard that sometimes is.  Show love and kindness to each other and if you argue, make up before you retire for the night.  When you are blessed with children, be sure you put each other first and the children second, and all others come next.  This brings security to everyone, especially the children, who will not have to worry about the home breaking up.  Also, it is good to share household duties so that neither one feels put upon.  Together you can decide the division of jobs and don't worry about that 50-50 idea.  Next, be sure to have fun together and have time alone regularly.  And be honest with each other - that saves a lot of arguments!  Make important decisions together and let the other details fall to whoever has the most expertise or interests in those areas.  All these thoughts are just a rough outline of what I think it takes to succeed in a marriage.  How you flesh it out will be unique to each couple, but these are some basics.  Above all, always try to think ahead when troubles arise - working it out is always the best solution and leads to the greatest happiness and contentment.  I will always think that I got the better deal when my sweetheart and I married.  The thing is, he feels like he got the better deal!  Sounds like a win-win situation!  So let's see: commitment, God, prayer, each other first, share the load, enjoy each other, be honest, be loving, be kind, count your blessings - sounds good!  And the 50 years, while not always easy, is worth the effort!
                                                                                                                                                              *Just a random thought:  this getting old is not easy on any score.  Our bodies change, we get tired, we get cranky, but what's inside is still what is important.  Our hearts were knit together all those years ago and they still are - I don't ever want to live without him, and that is what makes 50 years possible and precious.  God desires this kind of marriage and His strength and help is always available.

Remembering my sister, Joyce

I had been wanting to post something substantial about my sister Joyce since she passed away just a short while ago.  The obituary would have been a good place to start, to introduce my friends to her - but the obituary was not complete and was very disappointing, not even mentioning her surviving brothers and sister!  After stressing over this for a month or so, I contacted my niece Wendy and asked her to do a post for me about her mom and I will include it here, for my comfort and so that my friends may see that the sister I lost had real value, as do all God's children.  I will begin with the obituary and then let Wendy continue:

Joyce Elaine Brown Backus, 70, of Whitney Point, lost a very courageous battle with cancer while she was surrounded by all of her loving children at her home on Wednesday, February 18, 2015. She was predeceased by her husband, Douglas Leon Backus, Sr.; father, Ralph Julian Brown; mother, Mildred (Tarbox) Brown; sisters, Marion Frid, Doris Hiza, Frances Brown, Shirley Ruth Brown, infant sister Irene Alice, and by a brother, Ralph Leon Brown. Joyce is survived by her children: DeAnna (Duane) Briggs, William Backus, Wendy (John) Wade, Ralph (Mickey) Backus, Wayne (Jenn) Backus, Kevin (Jen) Backus and Vicki (Adam) Wells. She is also survived by special friend, Janet Shawley, sister (Marjorie Louise Brown(Rowland) Benedict of Red Cloud, Nebraska) and two brothers (Julian Llewlyn (Sharron) Brown of Hemet, California, and Donald Lloyd (Sharon) Brown of Palm Harbor, Florida). She had many grandchildren and great grandchildren that were the loves of her life. At Joyce's request private services are under direction of Nichols Funeral Home, 7323 119th St., Whitney Point, NY 13862, and condolences may be sent to the family at www.nicholsfuneral.com.

Wendy Wade:

Joyce was my Mother, my protector, my confidante, my teacher and my friend.
For my whole life, my mother was the most beautiful, loving, caring woman in the world. I can remember as a young child, we would wake up for school in the morning and it was quite obvious that she had been up for hours. She would be hanging laundry out back and she would have our breakfast ready for us. Dad would already be gone to work for the day with his lunch and thermos of coffee that Mom had prepared for him. After breakfast, Mom would check to make sure that we looked our best, fix our hair and make sure we had everything when she sent us to the bus stop. When we got home, it was obvious that she spent her day cleaning the house and preparing a wonderful meal for her family. She always made sure that we all had enough to eat. After dinner and dishes, she would give us our baths and get us ready for bed. My hair was down my back to my waist, Mom used to brush through my hair and braid it so it wouldn't be tangled in the morning. She would put it in a bun for school.
When we did wrong, if it wasn't serious, she would protect us from Dad's harsh punishment and keep our wrongdoings a secret as long as we didn't do it again. Mom loved her coffee(black) and her cigarettes. She loved hamburgers on the grill, baked beans and anything lemon. Mom loved all of her kids and always worried about us. She also loved her grandkids and her great grandkids. She had special frames on her dining room wall. One for grands and one for great grands. She struggled a lot when Dad passed away. She felt very lonely and missed him dearly.
Mom enjoyed Bingo, going to the clothing bank, sitting on her porch visiting with anyone and playing cards. Mom will always be remembered for her famous macaroni salad and her chili. Also her apple cookies with maple GLAZE.
Mom had the greenest eyes I have ever seen. You could get lost in them. Mom had a sense of humor too. She was always doing silly things to make people laugh. I cannot remember one time when Mom ever spent money on herself. She never bought herself new clothes or shoes. Everything she wore was from the clothing bank. She was very selfless. This was one thing that always bothered me. As I reflect on things, she never really had anything of any worth. I guess you can say that her children are her prize possessions.
Mom loved Conway Twitty, Loretta Lynn, Tammy Wynette and George Jones. I was so happy that I got the honor of taking her to a Conway Twitty concert when he came to Binghamton. She was so cute watching him up on stage. She was just like a teenager, I had great fun with her that day.
Mom was always there to help the elderly neighbors also. She would shovel for them in the winter and rake for them in the fall. She would also go to the store and the post office for them as well. One of Mom's last selfless acts was when Vicky got married. Mom was on oxygen and worried about her appearance and her breathing, but she went to Vicky and Adam's wedding and danced a "Mother/Daughter dance" with Vicky while wearing a brooch with Dad's picture in it. She told Vicky that now she had her Mom and her Dad at her wedding. There was not a dry eye in the place! Another show of how wonderful Mom was, was in her final 2 days on earth. We all wanted many pictures and special memories to hold forever. She would smile for all of the pictures because she knew how much it meant to all of us. MOM, I LOVE YOU MORE AND MORE WITH EACH PASSING DAY and if I become even half the woman and mother that you are, I will truly be proud!

When I (Marj) read what Wendy had written I was in tears and still am over how much of my sister's life I missed after we moved so far away and could only be together every few years.  I was not surprised at her parenting style, or her clean house, or her neighborly love, because that is so much like our mom!  As her sister, I spent the usual time in sibling rivalry, as did we all, and when I left to go to  college, I saw precious little of her from then on.  With marriage and children, so far from each other, I lost what could have been wonderful times.  I only wish we could have remedied that, but it was not possible.  I think she knew how much I loved her and she will always be so very special to me in my memories and in my heart!  It makes my mourning easier to share just a bit of her with my wonderful friends and family, so thanks for reading.

Singing I go...

I live in a really nice apartment complex these days, where most of our neighbors are friendly, caring, like-minded folks!  Many of them are older, but not all.  We have several things that we do as a group and one of these is Thursday morning devotions in our community room.  We start at about 8:30 a.m. with visiting and making coffee, setting out hymnals, etc.  At 9:00 we are ready to move nearer to the clavinova (electric piano-type instrument) and we spend half an hour requesting and singing together our favorite hymns of the day, and sometimes a new one we want to learn.  These are older hymnals so all the songs are old and only a few of us know every song in the book.  Today, we were singing along with mostly sunshine songs because many of us are weary of the rainy week we have had, and the sun is actually shining today!  Right in the middle of "There is sunshine in my soul today, more glorious and bright, than glows in any earthly sky, for Jesus is my Light," suddenly I remembered the chorus of a song that we used to sing long ago  about singing along life's road because Jesus has lifted my load.  I requested it, though many had never heard it and I only remembered the chorus, and we all agreed it was a wonderful song!  When the "preacher of the day" began to speak, he mentioned how much peace he felt as soon as he arrived and heard us singing along.  And he is right!  We find so much peace in singing of what Christ has done for/in us, and in how He walks with us and makes our earthly load so much lighter.  It makes our journey easier and our earthly life more meaningful.  For some reason this all made me think of a locket that Stacy and I are creating for me, in which the charms tell the story of "me".  So far, we have a coffee cup, a cross, a book, a mom charm, and a ladies retreat charm.  We are going to add a blog charm and for sure a musical notes charm.  These are all the things that make up "Marj", or at least many of the things that are me.  I think a journal will have to be included, too, now that I think of it!  But the biggest thing that I know lately is that I love to sing and that there is a song for every situation I encounter!  These songs are sustaining me, comforting me, teaching me, connecting me to Jesus and to my Father God.  "I have a song that Jesus gave to me that was sent from Heaven above" and today I am praying for my friends and family that are in danger of losing their song, because of life's burdens.  I am praying that the Spirit will come alongside them and remind them of the Song that is in their heart, and will give them strength to sing it again. If it starts out slower and sad, then I am praying that it will increase in joy as they sing!  Perhaps you will help me be a songleader today and get the songs started - can we do that?

Did you ever know that you're my hero?

It has been one of those "different" nights - where I sleep for a few hours, think  for a few hours, sleep a few more, and then get up to start the day.  It is 4:20 a.m. and I think I am up for the day because there is something I want to remember to say, and I might not remember it if I sleep for awhile.  Today is Good Friday and we will be thinking much about how our Jesus died for us on that cross so long ago, and naturally that reminds me of a song (or two, or lots more).  In my hours of musings last night I thought about all I should be doing in many different areas of my life - spiritually, around the house, investing in friends and family, stuff like that. I prayed for several who are going through difficult things.  Then a song came to mind that we used to hear a lot.  Part of it goes, "Did you ever know that you're my hero?  You're everything I long to be,"  at least that is how I remember it.  And I got to thinking about folks that I have thought of as my heroes from time to time.  That list can be obtained if you private message me but if I list them I will probably miss someone or hurt some feelings, so I think I won't do that.  They are all family members and friends and all very precious to me!  I ran through the list in my mind last night and when I came to the line, "you're everything I long to be," I realized that there was really no one that I could use the word "everything" for - there is that temper one has, or that crude language I don't like from another, or lifestyle choices that I don't consider God-honoring.  I love and look up to each one for the good things and just pray for the things I wish I could change.  I was forcefully reminded, at that point, that probably all my loved ones have to do the same with regard to me!  Wow, is that a humbling thought!  So, it occurred to me that the only one I could really sing that song to would be Jesus.  He is everything I long to be.  He is my hero, the wind beneath my wings, my reason for living, my role model, my saviour, my comforter - the list could go on and on!  "Jesus, did you ever know that you're my hero?  No one else embodies all that I long to be.  I thank you so much for dying for me on that cross and that you now live in me and give me strength and a reason to live in this fallen world!  Thank you for Easter and the wonderful celebration that it is and the hope that it brings!  Help me and my family and friends to live in such a way that more parts of our lives will be hero-worthy, for the sake of those who follow us and those who look to our daily lives for an answer to their important questions."

Turning 75

It is time to embarrass my husband by telling the world (well, my world, anyway) what a great guy he is!  We have been married for almost 50 years now, and how does a marriage last this long - or even 60 or 75 years?  Well, for starters, he's not the same man I married way back then, and that is both good and bad, because I am not the same girl he married!  We have been through a lot and I wouldn't change a thing, except for do-overs where I have failed him - I expect he feels the same way!  For 50 years he has been willing all along to change and reinvent himself for me - to be what I needed as time changed.  He has always been loving, serving, always thinking of me before himself!  He began as a country boy, changed to fit this city girl, and now that he is retired he is back to country boy (which is where his heart has always been).  He has stuck with me through thick and thin and done whatever it took to stay with me until the end of time.  What I wanted, and what he wanted - well they did not always match up, but he was always willing to make it work.  Now, as for the ways I have changed, etc., well that is another whole Blog entry.  Nothing of value seems to come easy, but it has all been worth it.  Who knew that these kids of 23 and 25 had what it took to make it last 50 years?!  Well, give the credit to this sweet, shy, handsome young man beside me, who turns 75 on Sunday.  I thank God daily for each new day with him!  The 50 years comes in August, but it does not hurt to celebrate all the birthdays in between  :) so flood his facebook site or his e-mail with good wishes - at least enough to last until August 28!!

Redeem the Time

Been thinking today about the family into which I was born.  Mom and Dad had 10 children and 9 of them lived to adulthood.  There were 5 girls, then 3 boys, then 2 more girls.  My sister Joyce and I are the only girls still alive, and 2 of the boys remain.  Growing up was pretty normal for us 2 tag - alongs  but of course our normal was worlds different from the normal of the 7 before us (one died in infancy).  They were farm kids come to town and Joyce and I were city kids through and through.  As we grew up, my dad worked Monday through Friday from 6 a.m. to 3 p.m. and my mom worked outside the home from 3 p.m. to 11 p.m. every night but Mondays.   The older kids, then, had a lot of responsibility for us younger ones - and that caused strife more often than not!  When I was about 13 years old, things began to change as some of my brothers and sisters got married and moved out.  The squabbles became fewer,  and life was still not always easy, but all in all I had a loving family. Someday I need to spend some time talking with my own kids about all my memories - about things they would enjoy knowing and about lessons I learned that would maybe save them some angst.  We have done a certain amount of this, of course, but as life gets busier and busier, the opportunities to talk about the past become fewer and fewer.  But what causes my melancholy today is, simply, the passage of time and the recognition of lost opportunities in my own life.  My mom and dad are gone, one brother is gone, and 4 of the girls I grew up with and loved are gone.  Just 2 brothers and my sister, Joyce, remain.  This week, my sister has been in hospice care, in pain and having a very rough time.  She is strong and all her family is with her, surrounding her with love in the midst of her pain. I am mourning the many "I love you"s that were not said, the "I am proud of you"s that were not said, the lack of time together as we all grew older and went our own ways.  I wish I could go back and get some "do-overs", but I cannot.  All I can do is leave it all in God's hands.  He knows our hearts and He also holds our loved ones in His hands.  Tonight I want to remind us all that life is really very short and not to waste it or fill it with regrets.  Lift a prayer for my sister and for her kids, tonight, and if you can, encourage each other.  Proverbs 12:25 says, "Anxious hearts are very heavy but a word of encouragement does wonders.".  My sister is soon to cross over and we will be left to grieve.  God is so good to us and does not leave us alone - we will praise His dear name and thank Him for His promise of eternal life for those who love Him and believe in Him.

Thanksgiving Blog

Saturday morning I was walking through our cute little apartment (it was cold outside) smiling as I walked because everything in it gives me pleasure!  As I passed the 'fridge I noticed a sheet entitled, "Count Your Blessings."  I took it with me, thinking it would make a good Blog entry.  It has wonderful verses and would be good to share with you all.  But, wait!  Underneath it is one of my most favorite scriptures, found in Proverbs 30, verses 7 and 8.  In my Living Bible it reads, "O God, I beg two favors from you before I die.  First, help me never to tell a lie.  Second, give me neither poverty nor riches!  Give me just enough to satisfy my needs."  So, as I walked I considered what my needs are that must be satisfied in November of 2014.  I guess a new perm (old curls looking scraggly) might not be a  need, but soon it might be!  Same with our own Internet Connection, though Dan and Stacy have been gracious to share theirs with us.  New tires on the van to assure safe Winter travel?  Yes, that qualifies as a need.  I would sure love new shoes since the ones I walk in every day are torn and falling apart and don't give good support anymore - I think that is a need.  So far, our monthly Social Security check has paid our bills, but not much else.  I think I need that to continue, but most of our normal expenses are costing more next year.  All I can do is leave that in God's Hands, since a fixed income is just that - a fixed income and there is no lee-way.  

Okay, now let me tell you what I really WANT - see what you think.  I want my 3 kids and their spouses to all be healthy, cared for, serving Christ, and seeking to please God on a daily basis.  I want the same for all my grandkids and my great-grandkids.  I want my husband to be with me for as long as God leaves me on this Earth.  I want us both to be healthy enough to get around and interact with our friends and neighbors.  I want to be able to continue reading my Bible, because it gives me so much pleasure and draws me closer to the Saviour I love.  I want to be able to hear the conversations around me so I can laugh with my friends and join in the discussions in Sunday School.  I want to continue to be able to delight in the pictures of my loved ones and pray for each one as I pass their pictures on the walls of our apartment.  I want to be healthy enough to go to church on Sundays and sing my heart out and marvel at the gifts God has given our preacher-son, as we all worship together.  I want everyone in my family to be at peace with one another.  These are some of my wants that really pose as needs to me.  Does it sound as though I am not thankful for what I have?  Not so!  I am so blessed and I know it full well.  So, I guess I am asking God to give me clarity (that word is for Dan) this Thanksgiving so that I can see how He is satisfying my needs in every situation and so that I will really thank Him in word and deed.  I am thankful for all His provision and for the many answers to prayer this year.  Sometimes the joy overflows so much that it cannot be contained - and I wish the same for all of you!