I have been reviewing some of my old bound journals and decided that it is about time I began writing again.  I used to write to several friends/family members through my e-mail and then print the letters out to paste in my journal.  This killed two birds with one stone and so I did a lot of writing.  I wondered at the time if they were worthy of reading but several years (or more) later, they really are kind of interesting!  My current journal does not seem interesting to me and so I think I will change direction and see what comes of it.  Last year, on this blog site, I wrote of my plans to make it through the winter here in Custer.  I had 10 goals and only a couple of those goals were met, but apparently I made it through the winter - one way or another.  Now, today, in mid-September, it is freezing out and we actually have seen snow!  So I feel an urgent need to plan ahead for this winter and see if it works out better than last year.  I plan to complain less, write more, review past successes and add even more layers of clothing!  I will also pray more, trust more, smile more, and praise God more.  And if all that does not work, I am demanding that we  move to a more mild climate before another winter arrives. Well, suggesting, anyway!  One way I will make it through the winter is remembering how much I am loved.  Jan Karon says that "when you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you."  I recognize that in my wonderful husband!  She also says that "when someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.  You know that your name is safe in their mouth."  This is true of my loved ones, I think, and also of my Saviour, who "calls His sheep by name, and our names are safe in His mouth." (also Jan Karon).  I think I will concentrate on love, real love, this winter, and see if that warms my cold days!

Father's Day

I hardly ever write about my dad and I don't speak much about him, either. That is not because he was a bad father. I think it is just because by the time I knew him (being number 9 of his 10 children), he was quite busy keeping food on the table and clothing all those kids! I spent the first 20 years of my life being afraid of him because he was strict and gruff and usually had his mind on things other than me. Way back then, I didn't understand why that was so, but now I do. Thinking back on my childhood I think that the fact that my birth followed 3 boys probably had a lot to do with his distraction! Those boys always seemed to be getting into trouble. Because of that, I decided to be extra quiet and not create any waves. I never asked him for any money or favors because I was sure he would say no and I did not like the way he said no. My mom, many years later, asked me why I thought he did not love me when he was so clearly proud of me and pleased in all that I did. I told her that I did not sense that and that he never said he loved me. I decided then to actually tell him that I loved him and see what happened. When he looked surprised and then said, "Well, I love you, too!" everything changed for me. Our relationship became much more relaxed and satisfying. I decided then and there that if I had my own children, I would make sure they knew how much I cared.

My oldest sister told me that the father she remembered was not the one that I described to her regarding my childhood. I learned from her that parents change as the family changes . I had not known that my dad could have been an opera singer because I had never heard him sing, or that he played the fiddle for the family when he was younger. I missed out on a lot and I regret all that. Now that there is no one left to talk to me of my mom and dad when they were young, I wish I had asked more questions and looked at more pictures. This year I decided to make a list of the attributes that I could personally attest to, regarding my dad. I know he was a hard worker, providing for his family faithfully. I know that he insisted on moral behavior in dress, language, and lifestyle. He loved my mom very much. He was frugal and patriotic and always present in the home when he was not working. He was very tall. He made room for his own elderly father in our home a portion of each year until Grandpa's death. He took us on a yearly trip by saving all his dimes in a big bank. He had some military service but I am not sure about what or when it was. All these things I can remember that are good. I have decided that for 2011 I will not dwell on the disappointments I had with him because I now realize that we are all flawed and that as parents we do the best we can.

When I first began to learn about the God who loves me, I had a problem referring to Him as a father because I had no close relationship to draw upon. I still struggle with that, preferring to trust that the Jesus I love said that He and the Father are one, so I don't have to worry. I believe that my heavenly Father understands and all is well. So, since my earthly father is no longer here to celebrate on Father's Day, I offer this from one of my favorite authors, Beverly Lewis: "All honor and praise to our heavenly Father, Creator, and ultimate mender of broken hearts..." Sounds like a father to me!

Our Omaha trip, 2011

We have been back almost a full week now and it is about time I wrote about our trip to celebrate Zac's 3rd birthday. You know that I have had a problem with travel for many years now. As a result, I seldom leave the Black Hills area. With my blood pressure medicine working and my low-carb/exercise diet, I have been having much more success going to Rapid City so I decided to try a trip across the state. Armed with much prayer support, we started out on a Thursday morning and immediately felt a peace and relaxation that I have not felt in a long time - even on Friday as we traveled the Interstate with its high speed limits! That is a real miracle and I thank God for His care of us and our friends and family for their prayers and thoughts in our behalf.

Our whole week there was a fun and relaxing time. It was cold and snowy and one whole day Katy and Scott stayed home and we played lots of games, all of which I lost. We got to play with Zac a lot and we watched his Toy Story movies many times, which turned out to be a great joy! He calls them his "Woody Buzz-Lighter" movies and he has the Woody doll and the Buzz Lightyear (sp?) and keeps them with him almost constantly. He is so cute and smart, of course.

The church we attended there was Avery Presbyterian Church in Bellevue and it was a wonderful experience. The people are very friendly, the music to my liking, the sermons good, and we went out to eat afterwards! What's not to like? Two memorable things from the service on February 6th were a new understanding of the term "Blessed" in the Sermon on the Mount, and an admonition in the Kids moments that we have everything inside of us that we need to be happy (God and His strength and joy). The final song that day was, "Here I am, Lord," and this song has always blessed me and spurred me on to renewed ministry. I have also heard Him calling in the night and want to be led by Him and to hold His people in my hands! Also on that Sunday, I finished a book by Phyllis Whitney and one section, in particular, helped set the stage for our return trip. She says, "You have the strength in yourself that you have always had. A strength that is greater now than when you were young. Accept and listen. Accept what your spirit already knows. If ordeal lies ahead, you will meet it, face it without faltering. The power you need is within you always. Use it."

So our return trip was as fine as the trip out had been. On Monday night we got about 4 inches of snow in Oshkosh, where we spent the night. But we had so much visiting and remembering to do with these old friends of ours that to be snowed in would only have been a delight! However, the roads were cleared and we got back on Tuesday without stress, and with a few bucks in our pocket! God is so good! My final thought is about the UPS truck that we saw in every town we went through. We like our Sully in Custer and seeing that truck every time we turned around just made it seem like home - like a comfort food. Just another way our Father watched over us and made our way pleasant!

October - December growing times

Yes, I am alive and well and still in Custer. After watching the horrendous weather reports for elsewhere in our country, however, I guess I am okay here for awhile. Going south does not seem to be such a good idea this year! We have had a busy and full life since I last wrote and I think I should recap some of it. We like our new Wildcat location, for the most part. It is smaller, but we can figure it out. Lots more visibility and easier access to Subway for lunch or coffee out! Then, I have watched many Gaither Homecoming videos since October. One I really enjoyed featured the Goodmans singing, "I don't regret a mile I've traveled for the Lord," and this really blessed me because it is so very true! Not everything has gone well in my 68 years but God has blessed me so much that I don't regret a moment that I have served Him. I just wish all my young progeny would see the truth in that and believe also.

Then, Proverb #2 came to me on October 13, as I was looking out over town from the window near my desk at Wildcat: "Even when surrounded by these inspirational and beautiful hills, most of my reality occurs on the flat streets and roads." I so seldom look up at the hills as everyday I am concentrating on my errands and life on the flat streets of town. This really speaks to me. Because of this, my Proverb #3 says, "Once in awhile it is good to stand at the top and marvel at God's workings below."

Next comes a quote from a Jean Kirkpatrick novel I was reading, "My husband...in our closeness he gives to me without regard for what I might give him back. He offers without obligation, without debt. That is perhaps the greatest gift of love. In it lies sweet shelter." This is so like my own husband - I love you sweetie!

Also in October came Lisa's bout with blood clots in her leg. We are so grateful to God for His protection of her and that she seems to be healing well. Regarding her clotting factor, her doctor told her that she was "on the low end of normal, just slightly" and we all agreed, of course :)

In November Dan and Stacy went to Kansas to celebrate and perform Darcy's wedding, and came home to begin planning for a busy and important job at Wildcat. Much of December was consumed by that job also, and much blessing has also resulted. We also began eating a couple of lunches weekly with the Senior during that time and it has been fun and a way of getting us outside of ourselves. A scripture that spoke to me in November was Numbers 8:2 where God tells Moses to have Aaron place the 7 lamps in the lampstand in such a way that their light shines forward. I have been placed here in Custer in such a way that my light may shine forward and I pray that it does!

December blessings have included more coffees out, more good books to read, a good Christmas celebration, better nights of sleep, lots of memories of my family Christmases as I grew up, a new perm, God's care of Zac when he got into his dad's medicine and when he fell at Daycare, Hallmark Christmas movies, and remembering that I am bought with a price and fully in God's care. Lots of hunting trips have produced some venison for this next year, and I am considering New Year's Resolutions. I believe that God has helped me to see that enduring the winter is very possible when I concentrate on Him and look constantly for His blessings. My bound journal is really very interesting lately! Thank you, Lord, for my salvation, my family, my friends, my home, my electric heater, and for Christmas!

Ten Ways to Get Through the Winter

Everyone who knows me knows that I really want to be somewhere warmer for the next 6 or 7 months. Since that is (yet again!) not happening, I have compiled a list of ways to make it through the Winter here in Custer. I would welcome your input, if you are feeling so inclined:

1. Make sure I have 5 layers of clothing for each day between November 1 and April 1. Last year, I realized that 3 layers just wasn't going to cut it.

2. Do more journaling and blogging. I am considering a project called, "Proverbs By Marj." The first one is inspired by our daily walk through town. It goes like this: "It is hard to walk in unity with someone who is constantly kicking the stones." Can you relate to that on a spiritual level or on a physical level? If so, write and let me know how it speaks to you.

3. Be more serious about Bible Study and prayer. I need to be reminded of Who I am reading about and praying to, though I am sure my grammar is suspect in that sentence...

4. I need some warm boots.

5. I need to laugh more this year. I know I am too serious and that laughter will help me be healthier and happier.

6. I am trying to put a positive spin on all my negatives. This will take some study, I think.

7. Since my diabetes diagnosis and the need to monitor my eating and health so closely, I have spent way too much time focusing on me. More thought for the needs of others might make me forget that I am constantly feeling way too chilly (both inside the building and outside).

8. I will make lists of things about Custer that make me thankful and happy.

9. I will find a way to go to Wrangler for breakfast 6 days out of 7 from November 1 to April 1. Well, that would sure make me feel better, don't you think? Maybe this one won't be possible, but I can try.

10. Now here is where you can help me. I need suggestions, people. Time is running out and I need a plan.....

September Musings

Much time has passed since my last entry on this site. As I look back on my bound journal entries for that period of time the overwhelming sense is that God has been good! Actually, this was so evident because several things have gone wrong during those months! I really needed to recall just how good He is and has always been to me. The special times of celebration also reminded me that in my life the good does outweigh the bad. Do you find that to be true in your life, also? He is so patient with us during our "whine" times because He knows that eventually we will wake up and take note of the many blessings He sends our way! In fact, sometimes I think He must chuckle as He watches me worrying and being depressed because He knows how joyful I will be when I finally see what He has been preparing for me all the time. Just yesterday we saw several prayers answered in just a few moments time and I could almost see Him smiling with laughter as I got the message that He was working on my behalf all the time - such a marvelous and loving God we serve!

So, just a few notes about my life since my July vacation in Omaha: we got to be in Kyle and Kristy's wedding and that reminded us of our own wedding and honeymoon time so long ago. I am so thankful for our 45 years of marriage and looking forward to more years with the young and handsome man I married way back then! Before July was out, our Explorer died and we now have a Ford 500. The many expenses connected with that event have been graciously taken care of by our Heavenly Father. Thank you, Lord! Next, my blood glucose count has yet to return to normal after my wonderful culinary diversions in Omaha! Hopefully it won't be long now. It is better on many days but not always. Also, our dishwasher got fixed and we appreciate having that option when we need it, since most of us in this household have sensitive skin that makes it hard to keep on top of the dirty dishes that fill up our counter! Next, Dan and Stacy's car was damaged by hail and the insurance company totaled it. They were able to get a replacement that they are happy with and that they could afford with the settlement check. God has been good to them, too.

Well, that is enough for a 6 week period, don't you think? Things are better now and I have even enjoyed some chocolate chip cookies this week. I am looking forward to seeing what else God is going to do before 2010 is finished. There were other very serious things that occurred during this period that I did not mention, and prayers are still out for those things. Judging by His record so far, all things will continue to work together for good to those of us who love the Lord!

Vacation was satisfying to me

I needed a few days to rest up from my vacation so that I could write about it here. I am almost back to Mountain Time and my usual schedule, except that I still go to bed too early! I thought I would just list a few thoughts about our two weeks, because if I tried to discuss the entire experience, I would run out of room! From the first day there I was grateful for the peace and quiet and the chance to read to my heart's content - too bad I took only 3 books! I could have read several more. Another thing I enjoyed was the chance to get to know Zac, who is such a cutie! I think I really like 2 year olds that are not my own. I see only the good stuff and not the "terrible" stuff you hear about. Besides, I don't have enough strength to keep up with them for too long!

The different worship experience at Avery Presbyterian was another plus. I enjoyed the hymns, the fellowship, the warmth I felt there. It is always good to see how others do things on Sunday mornings. Both Sundays were highlights for me! It didn't hurt that we got to go out to eat each Sunday after church, by the way! That is as it should be, I think, but not possible on a regular basis. Much of that time was spent with Katy's extended family and they are so much fun to be around. I especially enjoyed my birthday celebration at their house (Gary and Nell's) with the wonderful beef brisket and the birthday cake that Katy made for me. Lots of good stuff! My actual birthday was so wonderful in that we got to spend the day in Lincoln and then eat at the original Valentino's, which brought back many great memories.

The plumbing problems that occurred at Scott's place made for some memories, too. But not the pleasant type. They took up lots of Scott's time (and Dad's, too) but everything got resolved, eventually. I guess a service contract is the best way to go, if you are a homeowner.

We enjoyed our time with Claire, for sure! And the Farmhouse Cafe was another special time, for several reasons. We enjoyed Scott's neighborhood, but I could do without Interstate travel. Too many souvenirs in my Journal mess with the Binding, bottled water gets expensive when you have guests, and I don't need a big screen t.v. I guess that about sums up my musings for today. I really enjoyed my time there and am really thankful for the experience!