Remembering my sister, Joyce

I had been wanting to post something substantial about my sister Joyce since she passed away just a short while ago.  The obituary would have been a good place to start, to introduce my friends to her - but the obituary was not complete and was very disappointing, not even mentioning her surviving brothers and sister!  After stressing over this for a month or so, I contacted my niece Wendy and asked her to do a post for me about her mom and I will include it here, for my comfort and so that my friends may see that the sister I lost had real value, as do all God's children.  I will begin with the obituary and then let Wendy continue:

Joyce Elaine Brown Backus, 70, of Whitney Point, lost a very courageous battle with cancer while she was surrounded by all of her loving children at her home on Wednesday, February 18, 2015. She was predeceased by her husband, Douglas Leon Backus, Sr.; father, Ralph Julian Brown; mother, Mildred (Tarbox) Brown; sisters, Marion Frid, Doris Hiza, Frances Brown, Shirley Ruth Brown, infant sister Irene Alice, and by a brother, Ralph Leon Brown. Joyce is survived by her children: DeAnna (Duane) Briggs, William Backus, Wendy (John) Wade, Ralph (Mickey) Backus, Wayne (Jenn) Backus, Kevin (Jen) Backus and Vicki (Adam) Wells. She is also survived by special friend, Janet Shawley, sister (Marjorie Louise Brown(Rowland) Benedict of Red Cloud, Nebraska) and two brothers (Julian Llewlyn (Sharron) Brown of Hemet, California, and Donald Lloyd (Sharon) Brown of Palm Harbor, Florida). She had many grandchildren and great grandchildren that were the loves of her life. At Joyce's request private services are under direction of Nichols Funeral Home, 7323 119th St., Whitney Point, NY 13862, and condolences may be sent to the family at www.nicholsfuneral.com.

Wendy Wade:

Joyce was my Mother, my protector, my confidante, my teacher and my friend.
For my whole life, my mother was the most beautiful, loving, caring woman in the world. I can remember as a young child, we would wake up for school in the morning and it was quite obvious that she had been up for hours. She would be hanging laundry out back and she would have our breakfast ready for us. Dad would already be gone to work for the day with his lunch and thermos of coffee that Mom had prepared for him. After breakfast, Mom would check to make sure that we looked our best, fix our hair and make sure we had everything when she sent us to the bus stop. When we got home, it was obvious that she spent her day cleaning the house and preparing a wonderful meal for her family. She always made sure that we all had enough to eat. After dinner and dishes, she would give us our baths and get us ready for bed. My hair was down my back to my waist, Mom used to brush through my hair and braid it so it wouldn't be tangled in the morning. She would put it in a bun for school.
When we did wrong, if it wasn't serious, she would protect us from Dad's harsh punishment and keep our wrongdoings a secret as long as we didn't do it again. Mom loved her coffee(black) and her cigarettes. She loved hamburgers on the grill, baked beans and anything lemon. Mom loved all of her kids and always worried about us. She also loved her grandkids and her great grandkids. She had special frames on her dining room wall. One for grands and one for great grands. She struggled a lot when Dad passed away. She felt very lonely and missed him dearly.
Mom enjoyed Bingo, going to the clothing bank, sitting on her porch visiting with anyone and playing cards. Mom will always be remembered for her famous macaroni salad and her chili. Also her apple cookies with maple GLAZE.
Mom had the greenest eyes I have ever seen. You could get lost in them. Mom had a sense of humor too. She was always doing silly things to make people laugh. I cannot remember one time when Mom ever spent money on herself. She never bought herself new clothes or shoes. Everything she wore was from the clothing bank. She was very selfless. This was one thing that always bothered me. As I reflect on things, she never really had anything of any worth. I guess you can say that her children are her prize possessions.
Mom loved Conway Twitty, Loretta Lynn, Tammy Wynette and George Jones. I was so happy that I got the honor of taking her to a Conway Twitty concert when he came to Binghamton. She was so cute watching him up on stage. She was just like a teenager, I had great fun with her that day.
Mom was always there to help the elderly neighbors also. She would shovel for them in the winter and rake for them in the fall. She would also go to the store and the post office for them as well. One of Mom's last selfless acts was when Vicky got married. Mom was on oxygen and worried about her appearance and her breathing, but she went to Vicky and Adam's wedding and danced a "Mother/Daughter dance" with Vicky while wearing a brooch with Dad's picture in it. She told Vicky that now she had her Mom and her Dad at her wedding. There was not a dry eye in the place! Another show of how wonderful Mom was, was in her final 2 days on earth. We all wanted many pictures and special memories to hold forever. She would smile for all of the pictures because she knew how much it meant to all of us. MOM, I LOVE YOU MORE AND MORE WITH EACH PASSING DAY and if I become even half the woman and mother that you are, I will truly be proud!

When I (Marj) read what Wendy had written I was in tears and still am over how much of my sister's life I missed after we moved so far away and could only be together every few years.  I was not surprised at her parenting style, or her clean house, or her neighborly love, because that is so much like our mom!  As her sister, I spent the usual time in sibling rivalry, as did we all, and when I left to go to  college, I saw precious little of her from then on.  With marriage and children, so far from each other, I lost what could have been wonderful times.  I only wish we could have remedied that, but it was not possible.  I think she knew how much I loved her and she will always be so very special to me in my memories and in my heart!  It makes my mourning easier to share just a bit of her with my wonderful friends and family, so thanks for reading.

Singing I go...

I live in a really nice apartment complex these days, where most of our neighbors are friendly, caring, like-minded folks!  Many of them are older, but not all.  We have several things that we do as a group and one of these is Thursday morning devotions in our community room.  We start at about 8:30 a.m. with visiting and making coffee, setting out hymnals, etc.  At 9:00 we are ready to move nearer to the clavinova (electric piano-type instrument) and we spend half an hour requesting and singing together our favorite hymns of the day, and sometimes a new one we want to learn.  These are older hymnals so all the songs are old and only a few of us know every song in the book.  Today, we were singing along with mostly sunshine songs because many of us are weary of the rainy week we have had, and the sun is actually shining today!  Right in the middle of "There is sunshine in my soul today, more glorious and bright, than glows in any earthly sky, for Jesus is my Light," suddenly I remembered the chorus of a song that we used to sing long ago  about singing along life's road because Jesus has lifted my load.  I requested it, though many had never heard it and I only remembered the chorus, and we all agreed it was a wonderful song!  When the "preacher of the day" began to speak, he mentioned how much peace he felt as soon as he arrived and heard us singing along.  And he is right!  We find so much peace in singing of what Christ has done for/in us, and in how He walks with us and makes our earthly load so much lighter.  It makes our journey easier and our earthly life more meaningful.  For some reason this all made me think of a locket that Stacy and I are creating for me, in which the charms tell the story of "me".  So far, we have a coffee cup, a cross, a book, a mom charm, and a ladies retreat charm.  We are going to add a blog charm and for sure a musical notes charm.  These are all the things that make up "Marj", or at least many of the things that are me.  I think a journal will have to be included, too, now that I think of it!  But the biggest thing that I know lately is that I love to sing and that there is a song for every situation I encounter!  These songs are sustaining me, comforting me, teaching me, connecting me to Jesus and to my Father God.  "I have a song that Jesus gave to me that was sent from Heaven above" and today I am praying for my friends and family that are in danger of losing their song, because of life's burdens.  I am praying that the Spirit will come alongside them and remind them of the Song that is in their heart, and will give them strength to sing it again. If it starts out slower and sad, then I am praying that it will increase in joy as they sing!  Perhaps you will help me be a songleader today and get the songs started - can we do that?

Did you ever know that you're my hero?

It has been one of those "different" nights - where I sleep for a few hours, think  for a few hours, sleep a few more, and then get up to start the day.  It is 4:20 a.m. and I think I am up for the day because there is something I want to remember to say, and I might not remember it if I sleep for awhile.  Today is Good Friday and we will be thinking much about how our Jesus died for us on that cross so long ago, and naturally that reminds me of a song (or two, or lots more).  In my hours of musings last night I thought about all I should be doing in many different areas of my life - spiritually, around the house, investing in friends and family, stuff like that. I prayed for several who are going through difficult things.  Then a song came to mind that we used to hear a lot.  Part of it goes, "Did you ever know that you're my hero?  You're everything I long to be,"  at least that is how I remember it.  And I got to thinking about folks that I have thought of as my heroes from time to time.  That list can be obtained if you private message me but if I list them I will probably miss someone or hurt some feelings, so I think I won't do that.  They are all family members and friends and all very precious to me!  I ran through the list in my mind last night and when I came to the line, "you're everything I long to be," I realized that there was really no one that I could use the word "everything" for - there is that temper one has, or that crude language I don't like from another, or lifestyle choices that I don't consider God-honoring.  I love and look up to each one for the good things and just pray for the things I wish I could change.  I was forcefully reminded, at that point, that probably all my loved ones have to do the same with regard to me!  Wow, is that a humbling thought!  So, it occurred to me that the only one I could really sing that song to would be Jesus.  He is everything I long to be.  He is my hero, the wind beneath my wings, my reason for living, my role model, my saviour, my comforter - the list could go on and on!  "Jesus, did you ever know that you're my hero?  No one else embodies all that I long to be.  I thank you so much for dying for me on that cross and that you now live in me and give me strength and a reason to live in this fallen world!  Thank you for Easter and the wonderful celebration that it is and the hope that it brings!  Help me and my family and friends to live in such a way that more parts of our lives will be hero-worthy, for the sake of those who follow us and those who look to our daily lives for an answer to their important questions."