Complete Surrender

In one of my most recent sleepless nights, I was discussing with God how easy it is, in these days, to become discouraged and lose the "sparkle in my eyes" (Ps. 13:3 NLT).  The best remedy for me in these times is to remember the former days and how He has led me and shown me His acceptance of, and love for me.  We talked about the wonderful Youth Camp experiences as a teenager and how I was gently led to give my all to Him.  We remembered all the wonderful songs that gave me joy then, and still do.  We talked about all the excitement He gave me as we served in Ministry for so many years and saw many won to Him.  I told Him how much I miss that excitement and how much I want and need to feel His loving arms around me again, on a daily basis.  Somehow we got around to the wonderful days back in 1972 when I began to realize my need for a brand-new touch and a deeper experience with Him and His Holy Spirit.  Then I realized that I had not shared that particular experience in a very long time!  We closed off this conversation with the charge to share my story on the next day, but life got in the way and so here we are with lots of time on our self-isolating hands and a renewed desire to write!

I want to begin with an experience I had as a young teen in a large family, trying to find my way as a new Christian in the midst of those who did not believe that it was necessary to go all out for my beliefs - and some of whom went so far as to actively discourage me in upsetting ways.  About this time I read an article in Readers Digest that explained how to step inside of yourself for protection from strife and verbal attacks.  I tried it and it worked so well that it became my method of coping from then on.  When we attended a conference in 1972 to prepare us to share Christ throughout the country in 1973 (called Unlock 73), we were challenged to search ourselves and see if there was any area in our heart and life that was not totally given to Christ - that might hinder us from being totally used by Him in that coming year.  I was confident that all was well until I sensed a check by the Spirit as I prayed.  After He made it clear that my "stepping inside and closing myself off" was not what He desired for me, and much pleading by me, I finally understood that what He was saying was that He wanted me to stop that practice and turn to Him in those times when I was afraid, or when I could not cope, or when I needed wisdom and peace.  As I think about it now, I say, "duh!" and wonder why I had not realized that long before!  Well, that was a life-changer for me and when all the tears were shed and all the prayers and surrender were done, I sensed a complete envelopment by His Spirit and an overwhelming knowledge that I was completely His and He was completely mine!  We went home from that conference to find that He had prepared the way for much personal witness to my colleagues at the school where I taught - they were very open to hear of my experience - and a sense of power that I had never had before.  The desire to tell my story and invest in the lives all around me was something that was all-consuming and quite long-lasting.  I wish I could say that the fire never died,but it seems to have changed a bit as life goes on.  I really miss that but I think that it is impossible to stay forever on such an emotional high.  I still desire His daily presence, approval, power, joy and I ponder daily how that will look in this stage of my life.
                     
Before I went to sleep the night that began all this remembering, I was reminded that when Satan tries to discourage me and when hope is not as bright as it used to seem, I can look back and point out to him that there is something real and lasting about this walk with Christ. I know that I know that I know that He is real, that He lives in me, and that He has more power than Satan will ever have!  And I know that I belong to Him forever and ever - and that's that!